


i will soon forget the colour of your eyes, and you'll forget mine

by loverjae



Series: the world against us [2]
Category: SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:33:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25050181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loverjae/pseuds/loverjae
Summary: Time replays for no one, not even love.
Relationships: Kyomoto Taiga/Matsumura Hokuto
Series: the world against us [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1814242
Comments: 10
Kudos: 9





	i will soon forget the colour of your eyes, and you'll forget mine

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of tulip, so please read that first c:

Taiga took in a nervous breath. No matter how many times he’s done it, the nerves he gets right before a show never goes away. He wiped his sweaty palms on the back of his trousers, trying his best not to let the anxiety get to him. The crowd was already chanting his name and he was supposed to be on stage in less than five minutes. He tuned out the chaos of the staff and sound managers around him, as he closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing. It wasn’t even that big of a venue, his popularity not allowing him that just yet. But he loved performing in these small live houses. He could see almost every single face in the crowd clearly and it made him feel like he had a purpose. That each day, someone found him worth listening to. Using that as a reason to push himself forward, he gave a firm nod to his manager after he saw the thumbs up signal, and jogged towards the centre of the stage. 

The crowd was deafening. Taiga tightened his grip on his black acoustic. He heard the four hits of drumsticks from behind him before he strummed the first chord, the bass and drums following suit. This was another thing he loved about performing. How the drums would shake the floors, his chest vibrating as every instrument reverberated around him. And then it came. He started singing the lyrics, a track exciting enough to be the opening, yet it didn’t push him too hard so that he could warm up to the set. Call him vain, but he loved the sound of his voice being amplified by the speakers, beautiful melody bouncing off the walls of the room. Eventually, he’d close his eyes, too enveloped by the burning feeling of performing live, the words just pouring out of him and his lithe fingers strumming the steel strings. 

After finishing several songs, he was brought back from his high, almost feeling dizzy as the music around him came to a slow. The crowd cheered signalling the end of the song, and silence eventually settled as he let his guitar rest by its straps, hanging in front of his torso. He stepped towards the mic stand, resting both hands on it as he started his call and response, hyping up the audience even more. 

“Shibuya, how are we feeling tonight?” he threw the question into the crowd and was greeted with hoots and cheers. As he spoke, he took his time scanning every face in the sea of people. Everyone was wide smiles and warm eyes, hanging onto every word he said as he introduced his backup band, before talking about the songs he sang earlier. There were familiar faces. Faces he recognised because he saw them every other month, the loyal fans attending almost every one of his shows. He was touched, of course, to know that these people continued to support him throughout his journey. Other than the faces he already knew, he was always excited to see new people in the crowd. It showed him that he was growing as an artist, somehow he was putting his name out there and someday he might just become big enough to play Tokyo Dome. A far sight, but nonetheless he held on tight to that image he could only see in his dreams. 

As he went through the crowds, row by row, he saw a gaze looking at him, so intense. Piercing black eyes stared straight into his as he spoke about the previous song. He tried to continue talking, but his breath hitched in his throat as he looked into those familiar eyes.  _ Hokuto. _ Down-tilted eyebrows, too familiar for his own liking. He remembered that same expression from when they first fought about Taiga coming home late, from the time he refused to sleep in the same bed as Hokuto, from the day they told each other goodbye. He knew Taiga was looking. Taiga felt like he wanted to throw up. They haven’t even talked, yet Hokuto looked like he was ready to burst into tears. It was precisely the reason why Taiga had left. He didn’t want to be the person who made Hokuto sad anymore. So why was he still making that face, like he was still  _ hurting _ him? Taiga just wanted to fade into oblivion, disappear into a world where he could never make Hokuto cry ever again. He hated himself so much for hurting him, scenes of each time he made the brunette cry flashing behind his eyelids. All in the span of mere seconds, where it felt like time had stopped and there was no one in the packed live house but him and Hokuto.

Taiga didn’t even realise that he had drifted off into silence, only snapping back to reality when he heard a purposeful cough from his bandmate. Fumbling with his words, he tried to wrap up the talk as fast as he could. In fact, he wanted nothing more than to get off the stage. Everything was too overwhelming and his senses were starting to go on override. Suddenly, the spotlight seemed a bit too bright, and the drums were starting to ring in his head.  _ Three more songs, then I’ll be done _ . He would forgo the encore set tonight, knowing that he wouldn’t last long enough to complete it anyways. He had to fight the tremble in his voice.

He had made it through three songs. Deliberately avoiding eye contact with Hokuto, he stared at a spot in the wall by the back of the room. Every second felt too long, and Taiga was struggling to swallow the lump in his throat, a tell-tale sign that he was close to crying. Finally, he had made it to the last song. A song he had written a few months after he had moved out. It was an especially tough time. No one was booking him for performances which meant that he was struggling to meet his rent, and it felt like he wasn’t getting anywhere. Taiga sat on his balcony, thinking that if his life were to end that night, what would he want to remember most? What memory would he want to keep, when he was on the verge of losing everything else he had? And he knew there was only one answer.

_ And I’d give up forever to touch you. Cause I know that you’ll feel me somehow. _

_ You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be and I don’t wanna go home right now. _

Taiga’s voice was shaky as the familiar words rolled off his tongue. Blinking away tears, he looked straight at Hokuto in the crowd. Singing the lyrics, it felt like he was saying everything he needed to tell him, everything he wanted Hokuto to know, everything he couldn’t say before. He saw light reflecting off Hokuto’s tan skin, his broad shoulders shaking in sobs as the words made their way into his heart. Seeing Hokuto like that, Taiga was reaching his limit. His vision was becoming cloudy as he wasn’t able to hold back the tears. The blond felt wetness running down his cheeks. Warm droplets searing his skin as they slid down slowly, but he didn’t wipe them away. They just kept running, and running. Even though he had performed this plenty of times, today it felt like he was singing it in an empty room, no one there but Hokuto and him alone. It made him realise the days he took for granted that were now just a dream he could never quite reach again. He realised how odd they looked from someone else’s point of view, gazes never leaving the other’s despite how much they were crying. The two of them were truly broken, Taiga had realised. Glass shards from the same heart, never to fit again no matter how hard they tried. It was never meant to be, they should have known it by now. Seeing him tonight, Taiga wished he had tried harder. He wished he had tried finding him, tried to fix everything he broke but he was too afraid. And now that Hokuto was right here in front of him, he was ready to drop everything he had worked towards because all the sights he saw, he wanted to share them with Hokuto. Making it big, performing all these shows, Taiga realised that none of it matters if Hokuto wasn’t there with him.

Hokuto pursed his lips in a tight line, and gave Taiga a curt nod. Taiga let out a sob into the microphone as he saw Hokuto turn around, trying to make his way out of the hall.  _ Please don’t go _ . He stared at the back of his head as he pushed through the crowd. Taiga had a feeling that if he didn’t stop Hokuto now, he would never see him again. It had an impending finality to it and Taiga didn’t want to know what was going to end. He wanted to chase Hokuto through the crowd. Hell, he’d chase Hokuto to the ends of the world if he had to. Taiga needed to find out why. Why Hokuto came tonight, why only now after more than a year had passed. If they could just talk it out, they might be able to do everything over. 

_ Please. _ He tried to remember everything he could about the younger. How Hokuto would hold his hand normally before sneakily lacing their fingers together, wanting them to feel even more connected. How he would ask Taiga to dry his hair for him after an especially long day at work. If he didn’t remember them now, then all his memories would disappear the moment Hokuto walked out the door. Maybe Taiga was meant to lose Hokuto. Maybe it was all just God’s cruel plan to remind them of how much they actually needed each other. Taiga wouldn’t be surprised if this were true. Fate showed no sympathy for them. They were thrown off the deep end, shattered and broken and yet they keep coming back to each other. If people were meant to lose the ones they loved then Taiga would fight for them till his dying breath.

Watching Hokuto walk away, it felt like all the colour in his world was fading. Taiga wanted to start over. Every mistake he made, he wanted to fix, then maybe they would still be together. If he could have just one more chance, Taiga swears he would finally get things right, but time replays for no one, not even love.  _ I destroyed us _ . Taiga wanted to chase after Hokuto but he decided against it. Even if he wasn’t mid-song, he wouldn’t do it. Because whatever he chased always ran away from him. Trying again would just hurt Hokuto even more, because they were destined to ruin each other. Like fire and ice, polar opposites attracting yet they were bound to destroy the other. It was time to let Hokuto go, not because Taiga didn’t care anymore, but because he loved him too much to let him suffer. Their red thread of fate felt more like metal chains, keeping them on would only cause both of them to sink down to the ocean bed, drowning both of them. And so Taiga cut off the thread keeping them bound to each other. Hopefully now they would be able to free themselves.

In gathering all his memories, Taiga felt a sharp pain in his chest when he had finally realised. He couldn’t remember what colour Hokuto’s eyes were anymore. When did he start to forget? He thought about all the times he spent looking into them, foreheads touching each other after sharing a kiss, either while cuddling on the sofa or after reaching a dizzying climax together. But no matter how hard he tried now, he couldn’t remember how they used to shine, how the sunlight used to bring out a caramel tone to them, how they sparkled when tears brimmed them. He just couldn’t remember anymore and he didn’t want to lose this because losing this now meant that he would never be able to get it back. And he started to wonder that when he had started to lose these fragments of their past, did Hokuto forget the colour of Taiga’s eyes too? After everything Taiga had put the younger through, he didn’t deserve to be remembered but Taiga wanted to be selfish just one more time. 

When Taiga could no longer see Hokuto’s figure, he couldn’t breathe anymore. Mixed with desperate gasps for air, his last line was barely intelligible, but he prayed that it reached Hokuto in time. 

_ When everything’s meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am. _

**Author's Note:**

> This was rushed because I honestly just wanted to finish writing this chapter. It wasn't getting anywhere and I was tired of having it in my folder so here it is! Sorry if it's short! The song title is from "I'm low on gas and you need a jacket" by Pierce the Veil. When Taiga sings his song about Hokuto, I headcanoned him to be singing this cover of Iris [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjOHhjiGYNo ] !
> 
> Feedback really appreciated ╰(*´︶`*)╯


End file.
